I say! Spanish for the peevish gentleman

Just before we left home I went with dad to Vinnie’s* (also known as the Happiest Place on Earth for pack rats like me) to check out the books, because, as I explained recently to Jo, it’s not just that I like reading books, it’s that I have a sort of fetishistic craving to own books, even things I know I’ll never read. I must own books. It’s sick (and here’s some proof my illness in the form of a spot of cross promotion; see my library here, and read my reviews here and here). 

For the bargain price of fifty cents, I picked up a Spanish phrasebook from 1963 which I thought might be useful. And it certainly would be, if it was indeed 1963, and I was a peevish middle-class English tourist, slightly put out by foreigners and their insistence on strange food, intemperate weather and heathen lingo.

These are some of the gems this phrasebook offers – it helps if you imagine them being spoken in an exasperated tone by a middle aged Brit, possibly called Reginald, who is constantly aggrieved by the wilful stupidity of the people he meets in Spain;

DIFFICULTIES

Wait, I am looking for the word in this book

Espere, busco la palabra en este libro

I’ll give you nothing

No le dare nada

That will do!

Basta!

DESCRIPTIONS

He is a pansy

Es un maricon

RESTAURANTS

(advice from the writers of the phrasebook) Olive oil is the basis of most Spanish cooking, but only when it is of inferior quality need it have the alarming results sometimes reported. Those of a delicate constitution may specify con mantequilla if they wish their meals done in butter.

Serve us quickly; we have to go to the theatre

Por favor sirvanos de prisa: tenemos vamos al teatro

Clean my shoes, please

Limpieme los zapatos, por favor

I’d like a named wine

Quisiera un vino de marka

HOTELS AND PORTERS

I can’t find my porter

No encuentro a mi mozo

Have these clothes dried

Haga secar esta ropa

If there is nothing better I shall have to look elsewhere

Si no hay nada mejor tendre que buscar en otra parte

Bring me hot water for shaving

Traigame agua caliente para afeitarme

I like my collars starched

Me gustan los cuellos almidonados

Should one wear evening dress?

Hay que llevar traje de etiqueta 

I make fun, but I actually think it's quite sweet. In 1963 Spain had only been opened to tourists for a year or so at most, so people heading to Spain at that time were probably slightly more adventurous  than this book gives them credit for. And this particular edition was evidently well used, and is quite scuffed and dogeared. It has notes scribbled in the back cover that suggest that the owner/s made good use of the phrase 'puede escribirlo' (can you write it down?);

*This is my favourite story about my dad. He is, for those who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him, a world class potterer. He’s never really happy unless he’s wearing something covered with paint, sawdust or oil or a combination of the three. He generally maintains that he is painting or building something, though we tend to see less evidence of this than you would expect from someone who looks that dishevelled and cross. This is not to say for a moment that he doesn’t actually do the handyman things he says he’s doing; just that he seems to spend as much time pottering in his Thinking Shed and making trips to the hardware shop as he does actually handymanning. 

Anyway. One weekend dad popped out to the hardware shop in his usual weekend attire (ugg boots, paint-spattered jeans that have been cut off at the knee, and a shirt that bears the unmistakable signs of having been used at some point as a dishcloth) when he decided to stop off at Vinnie’s. In the course of his rummaging, he found a rather natty suit jacket and tie. Bearing his treasures to the counter to pay, he discovered that he’d forgotten to go to the bank, and only had a few coins on him. The woman behind the counter looked him up and down, took stock of his less than shevilled appearance, and said kindly ‘oh, don’t worry about paying for them, you take what you need, you poor soul. And if you need help with your bus fare home, you just let us know.’