Here is what you do not do if you've had a crying-in-the-toilets kind of a day

You DO NOT attempt to take a picture of yourself with your new haircut after you've had a glass of wine. It will end badly and you will feel sad; I took a lot of pictures, and none of them made me look even slightly human. It's OK though, my new haircut is the same as my old haircut, so it's not like there's much to see. As an additional tip: don't read a book that isn't Twilight at the hairdresser. Reading a book in the hairdresser's will make them make fun of you. I know this because hairdressers are not very bright and they tend to forget that mirrors reflect things so that, even though I'm facing away from you, I can still see you  behind me whispering to your little friend and pretending to open a book, while looking terribly amused.

What you could do instead of punching a size 6 bleached blonde high school drop out in the face is take the ferry home and stand outside, even though it's cold and rainy. It will make you feel much better about the world in general. Especially when you see some backpackers get splashed by a huge wave.

I've lived in Sydney for long enough now that I suppose it counts as being my entire life, but I still get a thrill out of going across on the ferry, especially when it goes through the heads and the sea is especially rough, as it was today. There's something so soothing about being out on the open water, away from crowds of people and traffic. Does anyone know how to get a job as a ferry captain? I'd even be first mate for a while, if necessary. They must be the happiest guys alive.

BTW, I'm quitting my job soon, so there will probably be fewer of these whiny posts and more posts about cake and monkeys. Actually, how can I combine those two things into a career? Monkey baker (as in baking for monkeys, not baking monkeys)! Perfect!