Goodbye, we love you

When we were kids my brother's favourite hobby was begging my parents for a dog. When I was about fifteen he went on a hunger strike and they finally caved in, much to my disgust. 

I couldn't understand why he would want another pet, as we already had a cat which the whole family hated with a passion. It would lull you into a false sense of security by cuddling up on your lap while you watched TV, only to go berserk for no apparent reason and scratch the crap out of your arms and face. At night it would lurk in the bushes that lined the garden path and wait for you to come home, then it would leap out at your legs and bite them. That was when it wasn't throwing up in any unattended shoes or bags it could find. It was bad tempered, unpredictable and basically just the most unlovable creature I have ever encountered.

But when the dog arrived at our house, I was smitten. Whereas the cat was psychotic and terrifying, the dog is anxious and bad with strangers (proving the old chestnut that dogs resemble their owners) to a degree that made me feel compelled to protect and love her. And has she continued to amuse me all these years, despite being the world's crappest pet in many ways. She barks at children, she has an array of revolting skin conditions, a gimpy leg, and bad eyesight that means that when you throw her snacks from the dinner table they are more likely to hit her between the eyes than be caught.

And I am devastated, because the time has come to say goodbye. She's been very sick for a while, and she's not going to get any better, so we've decided to let her go while she's still happy and not in a huge amount of pain. The temptation is to keep her around for as long as possible, but that's more for us than it is for her, and it's cruel to prolong her life just so we don't have to make a difficult decision. Three vets have told us the sooner the better, and as much as we'd like them to be wrong, they obviously have Jay's welfare at heart. They have all been wonderful, and have given us good advice. So tomorrow we will spend our last few hours with her before she goes to sleep for the last time. I like to think that we've given her a good life. She has been loved, and I think she knows how much we have loved having her in our lives. 

I debated with myself whether I should write about this, but it has really made me feel better to put it down in words. I'll miss her so much. Goodbye, idiot dog. You will be so badly missed.