Vegetarians are the Catholics of the dietary restriction world

When we fall, we fall hard, and wallow in our guilt with all the sick pleasure that our choice of lifestyle affords us.

I am not an evangelical, shouty vegetarian. I have a couple of issues with meat eating, but I try not to judge anyone else's choices, and I even cook meat for my meat eating family. I don't think eating meat is inherently wrong, and as for the argument that we are not 'meant' to eat meat? Total crap. I try to avoid meat and dairy because I think it is cruel to subject animals to the factory farming process, and I think that from an environmental standpoint it is pretty much unjustifiable. But like I said, I don't think you're a bad person if you eat meat, and I do my best not to make an issue of it most of the time. 

The the last time I ate meat was four months ago on my birthday and before then it had been at least two months since the time before that. I sort of see it as a bit of a treat, and at my birthday dinner (at a steakhouse, an obvious choice for a vegetarian) I had a 400g rib eye steak, rare, just as I always used to B.V.* But, somehow, I just could not enjoy it, and I was sick as a dog the next day.

So, I vowed to give up meat altogether, and I lasted a couple of months. But this is where my big confession comes in. Bless me Veggie Father, for I have sinned. Oh, how I have sinned. On Friday night (Friday night!) we went out for dinner to a very nice Thai restaurant, where I ate the following;

• Pork ribs
• Pork belly
• 'Cracker Dip', a Thai dish consisting of minced pork, crab and chicken
• Beef salad
• Duck curry
• Prawn crackers
• Stuffed zucchini flowers. That's not too bad, you say? Well, they were stuffed with minced pork. 

The funny thing is, I'd had no craving for meat, such as a vegetarian might occasionally get when they're not getting everything their body needs from their veggo diet. I even ordered some vegetarian spring rolls and deep fried bean curd as an entrée, and they were delicious. 

But then the other dishes started to arrive, and I just had to have a tiny little taste, just a nibble, just a morsel, I swear, and before I knew it I was face down in a plate of caramelised pork belly, pouring the dipping sauce over my head.

Of course, I felt sick for two days afterwards (which may have something to do with the bucket of wine I drank with my meal), but while I was eating, it was as if a primal, reptilian part of my brain had been activated. 'Gorge', this part of my brain urged. 'Scoff the lot. If anyone tries to stop you, stab them in the hand with your fork'.

And now, I feel guilty. I feel as if I not only went against everything I believe in as a vegetarian, but as if I have disproved something fundamental to my philosophy; that we don't need to eat meat. I still don't think that we need meat to be healthy, but I feel as if there is something hardwired into our brains to make us crave flesh. As rational, evolved beings, we can override this impulse. Most of the time. 

I think it will be some time before I eat meat again, partly because I feel very strongly about this issue, but mostly because eating meat makes me feel like crap. But I think I have to accept that, a few times a year, I will be unable to resist the prehistoric lizard part of my brain that urges me on to carnivorousness. 

And when that happens, you had better make sure you have a steak handy, and that you hide your fluffier, more BBQ-able pets.

*Before Vegetarianism