days

Do you have 'those days'? I have 'those days'. 

I consider myself to be a scrupulously rational person. I'll happily stand under a ladder and smash mirrors over a black cat without worrying about anything other than the fact the the RSPCA has me on file.

And yet. I have 'those days'. Maybe when I get up in the morning there's not enough coffee left and I have to stab myself in the leg with a fork just to wake up properly. Or maybe I've forgotten to wash the shirt I wanted to wear that day. Maybe it's that I make the mistake of reading the paper first thing and find out that some knuckle-dragging mouth-breather has decided to give Andrew-twat-face-arse-head-Bolt his own TV show (REALLY? This is a thing now?).

Whatever it is, sometimes I have those days where nothing seems to go quite right from the moment I wake up, and it feels as if the day is somehow doomed.I had one of those days today. Everything just felt wrong, right from the start, and just as I expected, I had the kind of day that is mildly inconvenient without actually being catastrophic. Today's unedifying parade of mediocrity consisted of;

• What should I wear today? (forty-five panicked minutes of costume changes later) Fuck it, the first outfit I tried on will do. Jo (trying to be helpful) 'wow, you sure like trying on clothes!' Me (in tones of rising hysteria) 'my legs don't look right in anything!' Jo; 'ummmm...'
• Bad Hair. Look like Worzel Gummidge. Straighteners only make it worse.
• Bus is thirty minutes late and my seat is buckled on the corner, which makes my back hurt.
• No replies to important emails at work. At a loose end. Sit around trying to look busy. Nod off in front of computer, try to make it look like intense concentration. Fail spectacularly. 
• Try to sublimate increasing sense of impotence at work into enjoyment of shopping. Shop does not have my size trousers. Why am I being punished for having lost weight? I am now AVERAGE size, and subsequently, can never find my size in any shop ever. Must lose/gain 10kg. 
• Go to library on lunch break. Everything I want is on loan.
• Lunch is unsatisfying because microwave at work is crap and because I feel pressured to let other people have a turn with the luke-warminator before I have heated my food to optimal temperature. Tepid zucchini gives me a stomach ache. 
• Brother makes dinner, forgets that I am vegetarian. Have toasted cheese for dinner. Everyone else has chicken.

Bluuuurgh.